Hello Dan. I think you are the most happening dude ever! I'm your biggest fan. I have to ask you a question though. Is that your real hair, because it really looks like a wig to me. Please answer my question. I love you!

Love,
Heather
Detroit Michigan

Dear Heather: I must say, what a pleasure it is to meet my biggest fan! I'm actually quite honored. Thank you. Regarding my hair, yes, it is actually my real hair. I am aware that among the Hollywood elite prosthetic hair 'solutions' are becoming the appearance choice du jour, quickly replacing laser surgery and personal trainers. However, my hair is all my own. I suppose you might think it is a wig due to it's perfect appearance - I imagine that on another person I might suspect my hair was a wig as well! Luckily, though, I am blessed with great genes and an incredible team of top-level professionals, resulting in a head of hair that has made many a celebrity weep with envy. Thanks for your love, Heather - I'll be sure to look you up next time I'm in Detroit.

i wonder disco dan how do you flirt cause i need a little bit of advice?

dear b (name withheld on the advice of our attorneys): I must start off by saying that flirting is a real art, and not to be taken lightly. However, don't let that scare you off! Anyone can flirt, and flirt successfully, given the right tools, circumstances, and determination. With the right tutelage and a lot of practice, you too can giggle and bat your eyes with the best of them. You might want to consult my new book, "Disco Dan's Guide to Picking Up Chicks", especially the chapter, "Flirting: The Real Truth". Although the book is geared towards picking up chicks, I am sure you will find much of the information non gender-specific and very useful. Pick it up today from the Well I Am, La Bookshelf! However, here are a few quick pointers to get you started.

- always make eye contact - lots of it. the more intense the better!

- laugh at everything. this says that you are fun loving and have a sense of humor.

- a quick way to a man's heart is to toss your hair, especially if you have long blond hair.

- good posture is crucial! show off your assets!

- finally, I've always found that a little extra "personal attention" does wonders for letting that special someone know that you're interested in getting "closer". a simple hand on the arm or an oh so casual brush against them will send the message that you're ready to "get down tonight"!

That should be enough to get you started - and don't worry, you'll be flirting along with the best of them before you know it!

You're the best Disco Dan. My Dad says I'll be just like you when I grow up. I hear him whisper it to Mom and I know it's true. What do you use on your teeth to make them so pearly white? In all your pictures you always have the biggest and bestest smile. I brush mine everyday with a special paste my Dad gets for me, but it doesn't work as well as yours!

All my best and a big HUG,
Andy
Costa Mesa, CA

Dear Andy, Thanks for the well wishes. It because of fans like you that I keep at it - you make it all worthwhile. As far as my smile, partially it's just genetic - I come from a long line of pearly whites. However, one should never rely completely on genes, so I take very good care of my teeth as well, as should you. You're off to a good start by brushing every day, but you should also floss, avoid too many sweets, and visit your dentist regularly. A good dentist can do wonders, believe me - in this business, a good dentist and a good plastic surgeon can be your best friend. Mine sure are.

Good luck!

Dear Disco Dan: I have a very good friend that I nicknamed Disco Dan along time ago - I was wondering if, like Barbie, you have put yourself on the market. Is there somewhere that I can purchase Disco Dan the doll? I live in Birmingham, Michigan. Thank you for your time.

K LYNCH BIRMINGHAM, MI

Barbie has dolls???

Hi Disco Dan! I'm a huge fan of yours. I just love everything you do! I was wondering if you could give me some advice. I'm thinking of moving to Hollywood when I finish high school next month and become an actress. People are always telling me that I'm pretty enough to be a model and I'd like to do both! How long do you think it'll take me to make it?

love, Jaime
Dongola, IL

Dear Jamie: Congratulations on your choice to follow your dream! From the picture you sent me (thank you for that, by the way), I can tell that you have what it takes to be a successful actress and model! The first thing you'll need when you come to Hollywood is what we call a "headshot". This is a picture of you that shows how beautiful you can be. If you like, I can give you the name of a special photographer I know who can take these pictures for you - in fact, if you let him take a few special pictures for himself, he'll probably do it all for free! Just tell him I sent you. Next, you'll need to get what we call in this town an "agent". He finds work for you and basically manages your whole career, so all you have to worry about is looking beatiful! Again, I know someone I can introduce you to when you come to town, who I am sure would love to represent you - he's well respected in the independent adult cinema world. Finally, and most importantly, you need what we call a "publicist". I cannot stress enough how important this person is to your career. A good publicist will beat out talent, looks and even youth, every time! Luckily you have all those elements on your side, so you will be unbeatable! So, when you come to town, look me up and I'll be happy to help you out on your career - you can even stay at my place until you find a place of your own. I will be happy to "mentor" your career along for you. You'll be a star in no time!

Dear Disco Dan: First let me say what a huge fan of yours I am. I kind of look up to you as a role model. You're so cool. Anyways, I wanted to ask you a question about my girlfiend. We've been going out for about a year and a half, and it's going good, I guess, but she doesn't always treat me very nicely. Like last weekend, we went to this party together, but she basically ignored me the whole time and then left with another guy, she said because he was going her way, which I guess was true (my home was in the other direction). But it made me feel really bad. Plus, I can't seem to get past second base with her, which used to make me like her more, but now I'm just getting frustrated. Especially when I hear the other guys talk about her like they've all gone all the way with her (I know they haven't, they're just playing with me, but it still makes me feel bad). What should I do?

John E.
Denver, Colorado

Dear John: Hey man, I feel your pain. As hard as this might be for you to believe, I too have had my own troubles with the ladies. The demands of having such a high profile life make it difficult to give my full attention to just one special lady. For instance just last night I was enjoying the company of several special ladies at an intimate little gathering at my good friend Charlie Sheen's. I had to excuse myself from them to talk a little business with Charlie and when I returned they became all uncool. I had to explain that that is the way of the Disco Dan world. Business can come up at any moment, and a truly special lady should understand that. A classy lady knows how to support to her man and knows when she's needed and when she's not. Communication is the most important part of a special relationship. Talk to your lady and let her know that you think she's the foxiest girl in town, surprise her with little gifts and if she's really special maybe she'll surprise you with the appreciation a dude like you deserves.

Hola Disco Dan! You always look so cool and wear the hottest fashions. Do you have a stylist, or do you put together your own look?

Maria G.
Santa Marta, Colombia

Hola Maria: What a beautiful name you have, Maria. I'm sure you are as beautiful as your name. Thank you for your kind words - I'm glad you like my look. No, I don't have a stylist. My publicist is against it, saying I need to keep it real, and I tend to agree. I tend to put my look together myself, with whatever tends to strike my fancy. I do a lot of scouring through thrift stores - you can find a lot of great stuff this way! Although I must admit I am partial to Fred Segal. And a lot of designers send me their clothes to wear - I tend to give them a certain glamour and "street-cred". I'm actually planning in the future to start my own clothes line, which should be available at the Gap, so you should be able to get my clothes even in Columbia, Maria! Good luck, or should I say, buena suerte!

Dear Disco Dan, You are such a super cool dude. I've heard that you do all of your own stunts, is that true? If it is, how'd you become such a master at kung-fu?

Tom B.
Corvallis, OR

Dear Tom: Yes, I do all my own stunts. It's part of my whole attitude of keeping it real. I studied my particular form of kung fu, eagle claw in flight, when I made a pilgrimage to China in the late eighties. There I studies with the acclaimed master, Qui-Won Li, who literally changed my life. I owe everything to him. Jing ye si--bai li, sensei.

Dear Disco Dan: I just heard this awful rumour that you have a hairy bum. Tell me it's not so!

Disillusioned in Dover

Dear Disillusioned (if that is your name): It's not so. I'm afraid that rumor is not about me, but about a good mate of mine, who shall remain nameless. But I will tell you it's completely true, I've seen it myself.

Dear Disco Dan: What's your favorite color?

Sandi
Hollywood, Florida

Dear Sandi: The color of your eyes, baby.

have a question to ask Disco Dan? send it to Disco Dan in care of his publicist at sidneyfalco@discodanthealienman.com